My in-laws just came back from vacation with a car full of gifts for us. T-shirts, key chains, souvenir postcards and photographs, you name it.
The problem is, we can’t really use any of this stuff. We have too many nick-knacks as it is, and we’re really trying to cut back on “stuff.” The t-shirts don’t fit. We have our own photographs from the vacation site, having already visited it ourselves.
To make matters worse, they left the price tags on everything. Now we know that they spent $14 on a pink vase (a vase from the beach?), $20 each per shirt that doesn’t fit, $7 each for two key chains, and $10 for the photographs. It really bothers me that they waste money on us. I don’t mean to be ungrateful, but I would much rather have an hour of quality time with them, or one great gift that we can use, rather than $80 worth of stuff. I’ve tried to explain this already, that we’re really minimalists, but they just don’t get it. They like stuff, so we must like getting stuff, right?
They also buy food for us, and invite us out to eat 2-3 times per week. I’m a planner, and like to schedule meals for the week. (They’ll bring over a rotisserie chicken, just as I’m finishing up supper. Thanks, guys.) They think we can’t afford food, because they’ve seen me clipping coupons and writing out a grocery list. I COULD spend $100 per week on food… but then we couldn’t contribute to our retirement funds, or prepay the mortgage, or set money aside for our “fun” expenses like vacation. We choose to make sacrifices in our daily expenses, in order to have a better lifestyle in the long run.
I’m really concerned about what will happen when we have children. My family is very frugal and thoughtful – we will search for weeks to find the “right” gift, and give just one or two well thought-out gifts per person. His family prefers an all-out gluttony of gifts, most of which wind up back in our “re-gifting” closet for the next holiday, because we just can’t use them.
I can already see our children being spoiled by gifts… and I don’t want that to happen. I grew up learning to appreciate what we had, because it wasn’t much. I don’t want our children to struggle or feel deprived, but I also don’t want them to think that money comes from credit cards and the ATM. Please spoil our children with love, not money.
Does anyone else have this problem? Do your family and friends respect your lifestyle? Have you be able to come up with a compromise that makes both families happy?
Gifts from others can be so tricky. My boyfriends’ ex comes from a long line of quantity over quality so she is all the time giving the kids tons and tons of useless gadgets that either brake in a day or I trip over for a week before I throw them away. My boyfriend prefers the quality route and gets the kids only one or two high quality gifts – the kids are waking up to the idea that quality = long lasting pleasure and quantity = having to pick up the junk later on. We’ve gently suggested differently, but her family is big into excesses and, not surprisingly, are all moaning about debt and bills!
I hear you – our in-laws claim they can’t retire until age 68. They might have been better off going the “quality vs. quantity” route and saving the difference, but I try not to judge. After all, it is their money. But it’s so FRUSTRATING when they spend money wastefully on us.
Glad to hear these kids are learning a valuable lesson! It’s always great to learn about quality early in life.
Hi everyone,
I believe that something you can actually wear, like a watch or something you use everyday and always carry with you like a cell phone, perfume, a office table clock, an Ipod, a handbag, or a digital camera, is the most personal way to be remembered by the one you want to offer something to.
Every time that person will look at herself in the mirror or will use that something you have given her, she will think of you with gratitude and appreciation !
Summer sales are on on many web sites.
I have found an online department store called Little Gift Ideas
They have a variety of branded items including perfumes, watches, designers’ sunglasses, digital cameras, cell phones and hundreds of other great gifts starting at 3$ up to 5000$.
All items are sold at DEEP discounts if compared to the suggested retail prices.
If you dig a bit you will even find some that go for 80% off the usual retail price.
At the moment they have a summer sale on and they offer an additional 10% OFF their usual prices on most products.
I believe it is worth a visit since they have plenty of great opportunities for you to offer branded items in big demand at very affordable prices.
Merryl
I’ve gone through this before – loads of gifts you can’t use, but can’t just throw away! I usually re-gift them to deserving people…
And I’ve diplomatically told my mom in law that we have different tastes and its best we go shopping together sometime. That way i buy whats useful and nothings wasted..